#331

Pharmaceutical ads always make the people in them look like crazy weirdos rather than making me sympathize with them.

#330

There's no such thing as rat poison or termite poison, it's all just regular poison.

#329

Ten four.

#328

My face feels like it's dying.

#327

The best survival tools are always variations on the theme of something sharp.

#326

"You guys are second-hand drunking me."
      -Jill

#325

Stop reading this and go do family stuff, you weirdo.

#324

If Santa weren't magic, the speed at which he needs to travel to visit every house on Earth is fast enough that he would burst into flames from the friction with the air.

#323

I want future technology stuff for the most trivial uses.

#322

India, I'm sorry, I didn't even know you were here.

#321

Winter only just started.  Up till now it's still been fall.  It's also Yule, so have a good one.

#320

Hippopotamus just means big river thing.

#319

I don't understand you guys at all.

#318

That's how we do it.

#317

Fat trees and soupy yards.

#316

What a stupid thing.  It's so dumb.  I should totally buy it.

#315

Why not Japanese?

#314

San ichi yon ichi go kyu ni roku go san

#313

Apparently people really didn't like that.

#312

If you are not the intended recipient of the time and time of day today at noon to get to your site to get a lot about it in your own risk to a good day and the new year is going through some old one is not an option.

- Actual autotext from my phone

#311

Maybe a couple days to get a good idea of a sudden I think it should not use this information to you soon and get the chance.

- Actual autotext from my phone

#310

I am a little too late to the next day or two of the day.

- Actual autotext from my phone

#309

To get to your account to cover all is going through some stuff done in time of day to the top of a new car is in your own custom design is not an option in this article to you.

- Actual autotext from my phone

#308

The I think it should also check the details on this one of those days are good and evil in a new York times a year and the rest is a great time at all the other side effects of a sudden.

- Actual autotext from my phone

#307

Beep bop kill may be the sound of the Mandroid, but the sound of my android phone is way more stupid.

#306

"St. Elmo's Fire" sung by Bob Dylan.

#305

It's later than it was earlier.

#304

This is an Omega class cider.

#303

I can't stretch my front.  Why can't I stretch my front?

#302

This one seems to be working properly.

#301

Don't turn my lights off at the switch.

#300

I had a moment that made me feel like a slightly grown up person this weekend.  For those not in America, this past Thursday was Thanksgiving, with the traditional Christmas shopping day on the following Friday.  The thing that happened this year that I had never experienced before was a feeling of gloom and maybe a type of depression regarding shopping around this time.  The fact that stores were opening on Thursday in order to entice people to go shopping on a holiday was extremely disheartening to me.  It might have had something to do with how I was also miserably sick at the time, but the whole experience was fairly new to me since I'm typically a socially apathetic person.  Maybe I'll start having more of my own opinions about stuff like this.  Won't that be fun to hear about?

#299

Someone get that man a revolver.

#298

I'm really glad you don't like the chicken bits in Campbell's chicken noodle soup too.

#297

Dropbears.

#296

I don't know what it is but #176 still cracks me up super hard.

#295

Do you ever start singing something and just replace random words with expletives, even to the point where it makes no sense at all?

#294

Dweebenheimer.

#293

"That s**t's actionable."

      -Ethan

#292

I would totally wear sabatons and greaves as normal everyday shoes.

#291

Why is it that the term "bruin," in reference to bears, seems to only apply to sports teams?

#290

You can't fall down if there isn't a floor.

#289

I'll fight you.

#288

What should I name my phone?

#287

Check it out now.

#286

Right about now.

#285

Man, I hope this works.

#284

Just gave him a tap and he slithered on his way.

#283

Kevin Bacon, the legendary hero of Earth is also Balto.

#282

This guy is talking some weird meta stuff about drops in the ocean but then an ocean in the drop, or something.  I have no idea what he is talking about.

#281

Remember when that movie Immortals came out on the same day as Skyrim and no one went to go see it because Skyrim?  It wasn't a very good movie anyway.

#280

I just realized I missed my opportunity to make a witty post about something Guy Fawkes related.  Damn.

#279

Do you ever meet someone who is so happy all the time it just becomes infuriating?

#278

All of the ones that I got are had.

#277

*scrape scrape scrape*

#276

Very spiky lately.

#275

Owrange.

#274

Hwwhhhwat we gonna do about these goddamn American Yankee big sox, eh?

#273

Rosenbutts and Buttsenburg are dead.

#272

"There are no strings on me."

Hnnnnnnnnnngggg....

#271

Always be confirming and denying.

#270

I really hope there is someone named Sam Hane and that today is their birthday.

#269

Bathroom doors should always open out.  Always.

#268

September is looking peaky.

#267

Gotta paint everything.

#266

Risky business ehhelhelhelhe ehlelhelheelhe.

#265

I like stuff made from corn.

#264

Whoops, sorry about that.

#263

We have the jacket.  That's the main thing.

#262

How does do?

#261

We're gonna have to move movie night.

#260

Something podcast this way comes.

#259

Five and two, and two from nine.

#258

Lego is a known cure for aging.

#257

I'm trying to sleep but the shapes in my eyes won't stop flashing.

#256

Well that didn't last long.

#255

Scarlett's gone limp.  And kinda moldy.

#254

I am Trails 7.

#253

This has just been the week of neat animals.

#252

Smashed flat frogs.

      -Ben

#251

I really am trying to have these not just be inside joke after inside joke.

#250

Quarter of a thousand and a year and a half.  Good timing.

#249

The next one is on the way.

#248

Not sure if alive or just warming up.

#247

France is really moving up the board.

#246

I have a new roommate.  Her name is Scarlett.  She is deadly.

#245

Nice awesome nice.

#244

That sounded a bit more grim than I intended.

#243

I want so many of these Infinity Blade 3D prints and I want to have them arranged in my tomb when I die like Egyptian Shabti dolls

#242

Taking a bit of a dip.

#241

Always with the gatorade...

#240

Who just has an emu?

#239

Why did no one tell me I had an office?

#238

We're all ballers here.

#237

Back on the up and up.

#236

Over 1,000 views in the United States alone.

#235

Romania is in now.  Boy, are they in.

#234

I still feel Thursday.
      - Jill

#233

Art is spiky but thoughts are smooth.

#232

The ocean is not Busch Gardens.

#231

Marinara sauce is like sunscreen.  Just rub it in.

#230

Only a handful of people will understand, but that's ok.

#229

Xenomorphs add ice to open up the flavor.

#228

Xenomorphs love Forever 21.

#227

Xenomorphs only ever watch subbed anime desu~.

#226

Xenomorphs just look for excuses to do jazz hands.

#225

Xenomorphs refuse to break a 20.

#224

Xenomorphs all have a gluten allergy.

#223

Xenomorphs cannot climb ladders or stairs.

#222

Coffee is the root of all emotion.

#221

Why did Tim build the isthmus?  To get to the other continent.
      - Ethan

#220

The Princess BAHTAHCAHP!

#219

One of the Cap's most hated villains...

#218

I can't speak for anyone else here, but a jingle-jangle morning sounds like the absolute worst.

#217

What kind of music would you guess I listen to if you didn't know me?

#216

Sick nasty.

#215

Just pour the acid on the lava to dissolve it.

#214

Don't tell me I'm God and then make me wait for randomly spawning power-ups.  God does not wait for randomly spawning power-ups.

#213

Peace out, Dicks.

#212

Now we have to rotate the DD.

#211

July was a peak month.

#210

Don't break anything.

#209

I wish we could still barter at stores.

#208

We should start a podcast.

#207

Do you ever just look at someone and immediately hate their face?

#206

Good save, me.

#205

You will all now address me as Ranger Tim.

#204

Pooks.

#203

Hooray, this blog has now passed 1,000 views, and well before 1,000 posts.  If you wrote out all the numbers counting up, you wouldn't use the letter A until you got to one thousand (not including any "ands" from numbers like one hundred and ten).

#202

Death by sphygmomanometer.

#201

Razzmatazz

#200

Picking up from where I left off, another slightly odd thing that I was only recently aware of about me and my brain is that, as far as I can tell, I don't miss people or things when they aren't around.  In grade school, I was never the one to ask if any of my friends wanted to play or hang out, I always waited for them to contact me.  That's not to say I didn't enjoy being around my friends, I was just never compelled to be the one to ask.  I'm still like that now to an extent.  When either I or my wonderful girlfriend went out of the country over the last two summers, any communication we had over Skype or whatever was initiated by her 95% of the time.  Again, not because I didn't want to talk to her, but just because it takes a lot for me to actually reach out to anyone else, especially regarding conversation.

#199

By the Goddess.

#198

Just felt like skipping two, I suppose.

#197

Man, that book was stupid.

#196

Manta rays are cool, everyone agrees.  But when someone makes up a species of giant, flying, armored, horned, super intelligent, predatory, prehistoric rays, it is one of the worst things ever.

#195

It's a park made by beer.

#194

I like whittling.

#193

Figure it out.

#192

Exceptional customer service.

#191

It's always the 100th anniversary of something.

#190

I clearly don't remember this game as well as I thought.

#189

Hot dog with gräddsås: Approved.

#188

I haven't had a dream that I could remember in ages.

#187

Angry lesbian cyclists.

#186

Certain stores are a lot like Bach.

#185

My goodness, is that the time?

#184

Atomic purple crossbow.

#183

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate sitting down now.

#182

Hey.  Just go see Guardians of the Galaxy.  4 times.  Each.  I'll be counting.

#181

I seriously had a dream that there were chicken strips in the freezer.  Then today I was going to eat them for lunch and spent about 5 minutes looking for them before I remembered it was a dream.

#180

Yes! Procreate now supports Pencil by FiftyThree.

#179

You know what's a fun word? Lughnasadh.  It's also topical today.

#178

Schizoid.

#177

Did you ever sneeze so hard it made the insides of your ribs itch?

#176

WHO?!

#175

There's something almost meditative about Forge Mode in the Halo games.

#174

The red ones burn, the blue ones freeze, the yellow ones electrocute, and the green ones poison, typically.

#173

Things that fold up are better than things that don't.

#172

It's not a compass, it's an alethiometer.

#171

Apparently people like hearing about expensive Nerf.  Like, a lot.

#170

Jooooooooooooe Money.

#169

I'm serious about the commenting, you can say basically anything.

#168

Archimedes was a badass.

#167

Dresses are just leg curtains.

#166

Nerf, your primary audience is children.  They can't afford blasters that are upwards of $70, especially not when you have 3 such blasters lined up for release.

#165

Elderflower pressé and elderflower cider are things you should look into.

#164

France is in.

#163

As hired as Dick's.

#162

I will accept that it is the future when we have either floating cars or 3D holographic displays on regular computers and phones.

#161

Don't worry, I got a manta ray anyway.

#160

I forgot the milk.

#159

The beloved TV series Viral Video Film School is not dead after all.  It isn't on TV anymore but it lives on in Brett Erlich's Youtube channel.  Seriously, go check it out right now.  This show needs a come-back.

#158

I like watching low pressure zones behind trucks.

#157

It might not be Nerf proper, but the Guardians of the Galaxy Starlord Quad-blaster is super fun to play with.

#156

Whoops.

#155

This might be the longest my beard has ever been, and it's still not all that impressive.

#154

Day + Month = Year

#153

This whole time, I just had the wrong contrast settings on my computer screen.

#152

Tell your friends.

#151

When Captain America throws his mighty shield,

All those who chose to oppose his shield must yield.

If he's drawn to a fight and a duel is due,

Then the red, and the white, and the blue come through

When Captain America throws his mighty shieeeeeeld.

#150

My friend Ethan takes more bullets than I anticipated, something he is quite proud of.

#149

On a big enough scale, there is no up, there's only out.

#148

To all my Swedish viewers, how the heck do you get a throaty "hwuh" sound from the letters STJ?

Case in point: "stjärnor"

#147

BERLUSCONI!

#146

UPS doesn't fail to have a very not unfrustrating hiring process.

#145

Changing the wallpaper on my iPad makes it feel like a new device.

#144

How big would my school be if you squeezed all the air out of it?

#143

The painting has been going so well, I made up a theme song for my "Late-Night Painting Adventures."

#142

Does anyone know what the French word "paruriére" means?  None of the sources I've checked seem to recognize it.

#141

I think it's funny how the concept of time is so abstract to us that we use words relating to length in space to describe it, like long and short.

#140

I've been feeling painty lately.

#139

Voldemort didn't have a nose either in the Harry Potter movies.  He did at least have nostrils though.

#138

Did it bother anyone else how the "alpha dragon" from How to Train Your Dragon 2 had no nose?

#137

Why is it that old bands were allowed to have weird names?  If someone tried to make a musical career in a band called ZZ Top nowadays, no one would take them seriously.

#136

Sound and light are the same thing just at different speeds.

#135

Clouds, man...

#134

The universe is telling me not to mow the lawn.

#133

Why is it that Japanese designs for giant robots are so easily distinguishable from western giant robot designs?

#132

The fact that Maryland still has jousting as the state sport is amazing to me.  Also, Maryland's state sport is totally jousting.

#131

Canteens are quite useful.

#130

Just stay away from ladders, mirrors, and black cats today.  It's for your own good.

#129

We got Ukraine.

#128

Sunglasses have the added benefit of being little windshields for your eyes.

#127

Anubis used to be called Wepwawet, which sounds like something Elmer Fudd would name a pet.

#126

A drink isn't "girly" unless a girl is drinking it, it's just delicious.

#125

Solar roads? Hexagonal tiles? Tron-esque lights? I see no down-side to this.

#124

When the road steams after it rains is the coolest thing.

#123

Turns out, the hot dog/fried chicken mashup wasn't that great.

#122

I don't have a problem with needles as long as I don't see them when they're being used.

#121

What if, when we do finally make contact with an extra terrestrial species, they have entirely different senses to the ones we have and we are totally incapable of communicating?

#120

I feel like I keep adding a bunch of change to my little coin bank, but it never seems any fuller.

#119

What if you had a hotdog, but instead of a bun, it was on a piece of fried chicken?

#118

What happened with Lego Bionicle is a lot like TV shows nowadays.  The first couple seasons were awesome but after 3 or 4 they gradually started to drop off until it ended.  Then the company released a spinoff which is nowhere near as good as the original.

#117

Not sure if it was through friction or chemical corrosion but the clasp on my necklace totally disintegrated.

#116

Canada has joined the thought party.

#115

Someone needs to make a better cherry flavor so that cherry flavored candy stops tasting like cough syrup.

#114

Being too cold is way better than being too hot.

#113

I think it's funny how, in popular media like video games and TV, skeletons are creepy, scary things that want to hurt you.  People forget that everyone has a skeleton inside them.

#112

If you could drive a car straight up at highway speed, it would only take about an hour to get to space.

#111

Smelling is just tasting the air with your nose.

#110

Who decided gold was so valuable? Aside from electronics, its really only good for looking pretty.  Ancient civilizations only knew about the latter and yet they were still really into gold.

#109

Ok, I think this color scheme should work.  Much thanks to my friend Ethan for his input.

#108

Throwing out a trash can feels strange.

#107

Bach makes me feel physically unwell.

#106

I think if I had a wood/metal shop, I would be set for life.

#105

Oh my goodness, Mountain Dew Baja Blast is available in bottles.

#104

Spines and vertebrae always look really cool.

#103

Yeah! Sweden now.

#102

We got Russia up in here.

#101

Wow, it got really real for a second there.

#100

Sometimes I wonder if there is something very different about my brain just based on the things that go on in my head.  For example, whenever I'm traveling from point A to point B, whether that be a 3 hour drive or a 5 minute walk, I always imagine myself in some sort of fantastical situation.  I wouldn't think too much of it except that I'm the only person I know of who does this.  Typically I don't actually act out any of the stuff I imagine, but my friends are all pretty familiar with my tendencies of swinging imaginary swords around or shooting imaginary guns at imaginary space robot aliens, or whatever.  Even when I'm not physically acting anything out, I'll still tense up as though I'm preparing for something or I'll pretend that wherever I am is completely abandoned.  Anything to make that transitional period more interesting.

#99

Swanky new look.

#98

You can't be held accountable if you're not conscious.

#97

Geese really aren't very good to eat.

#96

Shoes are just portable floors for your feet.

#95

This is post 95 on 5/9.  Crazy.

#94

Why does Streex the Street Shark have a gun that shoots a cactus?

#93

I think my iPad is haunted, either that or Siri screamed at me.  

"I didn't quite catch that..."

-Siri

#92

Sometimes when I'm sitting still for long periods of time, I feel like various parts of my body are twisted around, but not because they hurt, they just feel backwards.

#91

Strongener

#90

"YEP."

      -Boba Fett

#89

Once again, thanks to my sister for coming in the day after and stealing all my birthday thunder.  Every year. It's like she plans it like this.

#88

Heeeyyyy it's my birthday.  Get me something nice.

#87

If you know what Beltane is, I hope you have a good one. *wink*  Otherwise, don't worry about it.

#86

Wibbly wobbly wibbly wobbly jello man.

#85

My favorite part about most first-person shooter games is watching the reload animations.

#84

I think I would rather like to work for Nerf.

#83

I am honestly shocked this blog has gotten as many views as it has.

#82

Has anyone ever had an imaginary friend who had a major existential crisis because they didn't realize they were imaginary?

#81

Be excited in one week, but probably not for the reason you think, unless you know me personally.

#80

I love little pocket notebooks.

#79

The hat has been a wild success.

#78

When I get into a sword fight with someone, they had damn well better use the stupid sword.  Kicking will not be tolerated.

#77

Corn Flakes cereal was invented to be bland.  You're not meant to enjoy them.

#76

I feel like painting something...

#75

When I drink, I'm happy and everything is great.  Cold weather is like negative drinking for me.

#74

I was going to do a thing a few days ago, but I didn't.

#73

I'm going to attempt a hat.

#72

Feeling fine.

#71

The corner of my college's library looks like a giant space laser.  It's not, though.

#70

Mattel, what are you doing?  Boomco?  Really?  You're only now getting into dart blasters and "Boomco" is the best you can come up with?

#69

Hehehehe....

#68

Damn you, exercise.  I'm being all healthy and responsible and this is what you give me?

#67

Moooooon Kniiiiiight....

#66

Come on Poland, you can do it.

#65

If you brought one of those cheap electric handheld fans and brought it into the International Space Station, could you use it to fly around?

#64

Could you produce man-made rain if everyone in the world boiled a pot of water outside?

#63

Fireworks filled with ants.

#62

I think Guerdon Trueblood takes first place in the best name ever competition.  I believe he did compositing for movies like The Avengers and The Lord of the Rings.

#61

I don't find Ohio a fun place to be.

#60

The Winter Soldier smacked Ultron and turned good.  No seriously, check it out.

#59

Sometimes I wish I could just throw people.

#58

So, I do occasional action figure reviews on my friend Ethan's blog.  You should probably check it out here.

#57

There's no thought today.

#56

I should clarify: I don't mean I collect lint as a hobby, that's weird.  I mean I happen to find a lot of lint on my person.

#55

I've noticed I seem to collect a lot of lint.

#54

How do the floors inside covered garages always end up just as wet as every other stretch of road when it rains?

#53

A-ha!  This is Tim from the past, sending you a message through time!

#52

All the weird/crazy people I know, excluding myself, seem to wear those Peruvian beanie type hats.  Especially ones that are made to look like animals.

#51

It's snowing again, yesterday.

#50

College mail is the worst.

#49

Its always disappointing to me that things like cocoa, cinnamon, and vanilla taste awful on their own when I know they are delicious when you add sugar.

#48

Tanzanite is ridiculously expensive.

#47

Shout-out to Germany.

#46

Everyone should watch Pacific Rim.

#45

Why won't my sisters leave my stuff alone?

#44

Diamonds as gems are kind of lame.  Yes, they're super hard and sparkly, but there are a thousand other types of stone that are way more interesting to look at.

#43

Man, Blogger's schedule feature sure is confusing, but I think I got it.

#42

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

#41

My brain isn't working as I'd hoped it would.

#40

Remember in middle school when you were told that glass was actually just a super slow liquid?  Was that ever actually confirmed by anyone?

#39

Hooray, this blog page has made it to 100 views, so here's a special thought:
I have this idea for a mobile phone that is built into a glove where the number pad is laid out on the digits of the wearer's fingers so that the index finger contains 1, 2, and 3, and so on.  The thumb would be used to dial the numbers.  It could even have a modular design where people could add features like an LCD screen or a webcam for Skype or whatever other video calling service.  Because of this, the base unit could be sold relatively cheaply.

#38

My dreams don't make any sense.

#37

My brain is tired but my arms are not.

#36

If other stars are swirling around the galaxy, and Earth is rotating on its axis, and it takes millions of years for starlight to reach your eyes, do the photons follow a curved path through space?

#35

I don't especially like the direction Nerf is going with electronic dart blasters.  I'd much rather see more innovation in mechanical, air powered blasters.

#34

If you took all the gold that's ever been found across the span of human history and melted it down, it would only take up about a 20 meter cube.

#33

The quesadilla burger at Applebees is perhaps the most delicious thing in the world.

#32

I don't think I'll ever reach a point where I'm tired of having snowy weather.

#31

I think our mastery of irony and sarcasm alone is testament enough to how advanced humans are as a species.

#30

Everything about your personality as a unique individual is just chemicals and electricity in the right places of a squishy grey blob.

#29

I wonder if there's ever been a person with good enough physical coordination that they can't fall down.

#28

I really hate it when I touch the edge of a piece of paper

#27

I hate how effective restaurant advertisements are at making me hungry.

#26

Every time something is launched into space, the Earth loses mass.

#25

Sometimes I start laughing at a funny idea I had and then I realize it wasn't that funny so I laugh at how disproportionate the initial laugh was, and this goes on for anywhere between 5 and 30 minutes.

#24

If you don't know what a Ground Effect Vehicle (Ekranoplan) is, look it up and ask why aren't they being used?

#23

What is it about explosive materials that makes them explode?

#22

If you went back in time with a standard array of modern technology, how easily could you convince the Vikings or whatever that you are a god?

#21

From the beginning of the ancient Egyptian empire to the end was longer than from the end until now.  What.

#20

Is the fruit orange named after the color or is the color named after the fruit?

#19

Does anyone actually like the buttered popcorn flavored Jelly Bellies?

#18

Are hyenas technically dogs or are they their own brand of horrible?

#17

If everyone in the world jumped into the ocean at the same time, would it cause massive coastal flooding on a global scale?

#16

Knives are sharp.  You should not play with sharp knives.

#15

Whenever a bird flies into a window and leaves a print of itself on the glass, it makes me think birds are possibly the dustiest animals ever.

#14

No matter how much it's cleaned or filtered, drinking water is old dinosaur piss.

#13

Have you ever thought that everyone sees color differently?  Like, what you call red, in your vision, I might call blue, but because I can't see exactly what you see, we agree on what red or blue is.

#12

I can't wait for cybernetic augmentation to become mainstream.

#11

If you died every time you fell asleep but still woke up with the same reliability as sleep, would you feel more rested after being dead for the night?

#10

Could someone make a successful gym which is free to use where all the workout equipment is connected to generators and make money selling energy?

#9

Manta rays are the coolest animals on the planet.

#8

You never actually touch anything, you're just being repelled at an atomic level.

#7

It's really trippy to think that the universe is infinitely fractal so that Milky Way galaxy would be an atom in a much larger context, and that subatomic particles are tiny star systems and so on and so forth.

#6

What if in modern western society, people were expected to get a pilot's license the same way we're expected to get a driver's license?

#5

I think if I ever got mugged, my reaction would be to scream "Hello" at my attacker because I'd think they didn't know I was there.

#4

Imagine a tiny speck, smaller than basically everything.  Now take an innumerable amount of these specks and shoot them through space so fast that whatever it collides with becomes superheated and glows intensely, and once these specks stop moving, everything that got pushed out of the way slams back together making a deafening boom.  That's lightning.

#3

I like fruit juice.

#2

It's weird how sheep's wool seems to grow out to a certain length and then it just stops until they get shorn, but even if they don't it stays that length.

#1

If everyone in the world faced east and sneezed at the same time, would it create a cyclone around the planet?