Dec 31, 2015

#696

Unless you're underage, driving, or Mormon, you really have no excuse.

Dec 29, 2015

#694

Every time you jump, you literally fall off the face of the Earth.

Dec 28, 2015

#693

You can justify or refute any argument by ending a statement with "...but still..."

Dec 27, 2015

Dec 26, 2015

#691

Earrings could be heavier if my hat was made of whispers and dreams.

Dec 24, 2015

Dec 22, 2015

Dec 20, 2015

#685

It's finally freaking cold out, unfortunately it's also freaking cold out.

Dec 19, 2015

#684

It doesn't matter how good or similar to Sunkist it is, I am the final judge of whether or not I will feel it feel it.

Dec 17, 2015

#682

When you think about it, the Predator plasma caster is one of the worst designed weapons ever, functionally speaking.  It still looks super awesome.

Dec 16, 2015

#681

I'm not sure how they do things back in France, but here, when you say the 16th, it means the 16th.

Dec 15, 2015

#680

I'm pretty sure my room doesn't have CO, so why are you beeping?

Dec 14, 2015

#679

My brain is just a giant bingo tumbler with ideas instead of ping pong balls.

Dec 12, 2015

#677

I'm just gonna leave it like that. You can figure it out.

Dec 11, 2015

#676

Anything that advertises removable spaulders is cool in my book.

Dec 10, 2015

Dec 7, 2015

#672

What if you died really suddenly at some point in the past and didn't realize it and everything right now is just a death dream?

Dec 6, 2015

#671

Any meat can be a breakfast meat if you want it hard enough.

Dec 4, 2015

Dec 3, 2015

#668

I still don't really care about Rainbow 6 Siege but Idris Elba is one hell of a spokesman, I'd almost buy it for that reason alone.

Dec 2, 2015

#667

Athena is pretty cool, all I'm saying is she's not the kind of person you'd want on a 90's Nickelodeon contest show.

Dec 1, 2015

#666

Sorry if you were all hyped about today's post but I don't believe in a "devil" or "hell" so it's really just another number.  Either way, its probably just Baphomet or electrical TV demons or whatever.  Blame Witch Doctor from Street Fighter.

Nov 30, 2015

#665

Sure is a shame no one went shopping this weekend, what with the huge success of Amazon Prime Day back in summer.

Nov 28, 2015

#663

Ok, yes, this kid has some sort of speech impediment or learning disability, but he is spouting some super misogynistic nonsense right now.

Nov 26, 2015

#661

It's thanksgiving, I could have left today without a thought, but whatever, here you go.

Nov 23, 2015

#658

I don't understand it either but for some reason I think its goddamn hilarious.

Nov 20, 2015

#655

I never realized how many lines from Avenue Q songs can be used as legitimate notes while watching Star Trek.

Nov 19, 2015

Nov 18, 2015

#653

Photoshop at least still works, ProCreate, on the other hand, has actually just given up completely.

Nov 16, 2015

#651

Dammit blogger, just do the thing right instead of not right at all.

Nov 14, 2015

#649

I mean, obviously any igneous rock is cold lava, but is obsidian still technically liquid lava?

Nov 13, 2015

#648

If glass is just a super slow liquid, does that mean that obsidian is just really cold lava?

Nov 11, 2015

#646

Ah, 4 years ago today, no one went to see Immortals.  Good choice, everyone.

Nov 10, 2015

#645

I had forgotten how horrible and grotesque the Rugrats look compared to most modern cartoons.

Nov 7, 2015

#642

I'm not sure why I'm getting so much traffic from what looks like a Russian social/dating android app...

Nov 5, 2015

#640

Euclidian geometry in video game level design is so last gen.

Nov 4, 2015

#639

I didn't even realize Halo 5 came out.  I knew they made a Mega Bloks figure of Mickey, though.  Shows where my interest in the franchise has gone.

Nov 3, 2015

#638

I know enough to complain properly but not enough to do anything about it myself.

Nov 1, 2015

#636

I understand pedestrian right of way, but if you step out in front of me like an idiot, my car is still going to kill you.

Oct 31, 2015

#635

I did my trick-or-treating in the candy aisle of the grocery store this year.

Oct 30, 2015

#634

Chris from RE5 totally teamed up with Leon from RE4 along with Claire from Code: Veronica.  Yep, that's what happened.

Oct 28, 2015

Oct 27, 2015

#631

Youth sports teams are the absolute worst at ordering food.

Oct 22, 2015

Oct 21, 2015

Oct 20, 2015

#624

That's really funny but I don't think I can put that on here.

Oct 19, 2015

#623

I think Enya is actually spouting crazy gibberish but just sounds good doing it.

Oct 17, 2015

#621

Way to go, wehf.  You couldn't even steal a very good joke.

Oct 15, 2015

Oct 14, 2015

Oct 13, 2015

#617

You know, that one song by the Shins, the one that goes like "mehh neh myeh hehhh behnyehh.."

Oct 12, 2015

#616

You guys said it was fine and it wasn't fine, now take my money.

Oct 10, 2015

Oct 7, 2015

#611

I would be perfectly ok with my taxpayer money being spent to build an actual highway to the danger zone.

Sep 30, 2015

#604

Who the heck is Waspkeleton and where did they come from?

Sep 29, 2015

#603

Its not so much a convention as it is a toy store with a cover charge.

Sep 28, 2015

Sep 27, 2015

#601

Magnets sound like dubstep when they do the magnetting. Confirmed.

Sep 26, 2015

#600

I hate experiencing horror in movies and games and whatnot because even after it's been turned off, I tend to internalize whatever made it so frightening and I carry that with me.  I don't mean spooky horror where something jumps out and yells boo.  I actually handle that pretty well.  What gets me are the more psychological takes on it that really get into your head.  If I am driving by myself at night, it is almost certain that at some point I will see the shadow of something along the side of the road and I will convince myself that it is something bad and end up seriously freaking myself out.  Even to this day, I refuse to approach or even look out of certain windows in my house when it's dark out.  I don't even remember what specifically put this fear into me but I've had it as long as I can recall.

Sep 25, 2015

Sep 24, 2015

#598

I think I've gotten to the point where I can understand owning two iPads for just myself.

Sep 22, 2015

#596

I'm pretty sure at least a quarter of the standard British lexicon consists of nonsense words that they pass off as euphemisms and innuendos.

Sep 21, 2015

#595

There's no such thing as a pull force except for gravity and vacuums.

Sep 19, 2015

#593

If you almost hit me with your car, I'm going to do the John Cena hand face thing at you.

Sep 17, 2015

#591

I don't think I've ever been so disappointed to hear that everything is probably fine.

Sep 16, 2015

#590

Why are years only ever expressed as either 2 or 4 digits and never 3?

Sep 15, 2015

#589

Nothing you see will ever be as scary as what you thought you saw.

Sep 13, 2015

Sep 12, 2015

#586

I haven't punched in a while.  My knuckles are getting hairy.

Sep 11, 2015

#585

Ukraine is really interested in the most random things.  First it's 3D printers and now Genesis (the band).

Sep 5, 2015

#579

Everyone get hyped for G.I.Joe: Rise of the Dawn of the Planet of the Tomb Raider 2: Reloaded Electric Boogaloo and Furious 7: The Backdown: A Wes Anderson Film.

Sep 3, 2015

#577

People often mistake timsical thoughts as having to come directly from Tim, however, they only need to evoke Tim in their nature.  Anyone is capable of thinking timsically.

Sep 1, 2015

#575

If you work hard and put your mind to it, there's no limit to what you can quit.

Aug 30, 2015

#573

You can make anything sound like a wrestling move if you call it "the [location] [verb]."

Aug 29, 2015

#572

It really sounds like they're saying "Qu'est qu'il fait dans Sailor Moon?"

Aug 28, 2015

Aug 26, 2015

#569

It's weird how stuff can be dry or wet and still be fine but only being slightly damp is a big problem.

Aug 25, 2015

Aug 23, 2015

Aug 22, 2015

Aug 19, 2015

#562

I don't understand why anyone wouldn't just buy family sized boxes of cereal.

Aug 17, 2015

#560

Connect to the Wifi! Come ahhnnn! I'm right here, do eet!
      -Dutch from Predator at home

Aug 15, 2015

#558

Someone has lost a glow band.  Ethan has a glow band now.

Aug 14, 2015

Aug 13, 2015

#556

I'm kinda sad people swear so much because it makes swearing less fun.

Aug 11, 2015

Aug 10, 2015

Aug 9, 2015

Aug 8, 2015

Aug 7, 2015

#550

A laser weapon in space wouldn't have a visible beam, you'd just point it at something and it'd start getting hot.

Aug 6, 2015

Aug 5, 2015

#548

Since light can't escape a black hole, perhaps that's why to us, faster than light speed is only theoretical since achieving it would in theory allow us to escape our own reality.

Aug 4, 2015

#547

What if we're all already in a black hole in compressed space?

Aug 3, 2015

Aug 2, 2015

#545

I just don't understand how none of you have heard of an Allosaurus.

Jul 30, 2015

Jul 24, 2015

Jul 22, 2015

#534

If no one has made an AMV of "Invisible Touch" by Genesis for Elfen Lied, the anime community has failed its duties.

Jul 21, 2015

Jul 20, 2015

Jul 19, 2015

Jul 17, 2015

#529

The only word to describe this amount of rain is gratuitous.

Jul 15, 2015

Jul 11, 2015

#523

I couldn't care less about the Batman games but I do really like the design of the Arkham Knight character.

Jul 9, 2015

#521

Oh my god, you're back.  You're not allowed to do that again any time soon.

Jul 4, 2015

#516

I already sang the Captain America theme song last year so I can't do that again.

Jul 3, 2015

Jul 2, 2015

Jun 25, 2015

#507

One man's blade arms is another man's giant fighting fists.

Jun 23, 2015

#505

If people had long enough legs, we could survive any fall.

Jun 22, 2015

#504

The success of the trip can be measured by the amount of screeching.

Jun 21, 2015

Jun 19, 2015

Jun 18, 2015

#500

I'm not a very expressive person when it comes to emotions, especially when it comes to TV, movies, games, etc.  That being said, the strongest reaction I've ever had was to the ending of Shadow of the Colossus. Without spoiling anything, it is such a sad, epic conclusion to a huge adventure which is unlike any other game I've ever seen. I cannot recommend it highly enough to anyone who has a chance to play it.

Jun 17, 2015

Jun 16, 2015

Jun 15, 2015

#497

If science is so clever, why are washer and dryer machines still separate things?

Jun 14, 2015

Jun 9, 2015

#491

Don't think of it as falling, it's just gravity turning off.

Jun 7, 2015

#489

I don't care what you say, laughing is weird and I am not weird for thinking that.

Jun 2, 2015

#484

It was funny the first few times but it quickly loses its charm after hearing "cockfosters" that often.

May 31, 2015

#482

I'm all for making big stretches in puns for the sake of a bad punchline, but this takes it to a whole new level.

May 29, 2015

May 28, 2015

#479

Fighter jets are basically the closest thing we have to functional jet packs.

May 27, 2015

May 25, 2015

#476

I just image searched "sandwiches "because I was hungry. Big surprise, it didn't really help.

May 24, 2015

#475

You're right, Tron Widow flows much better than Black Tron-ow.

May 23, 2015

#474

Do you ever notice how big legs are? Just legs in general, not any specific legs.

May 20, 2015

May 12, 2015

#463

You're not from around here because we schwa the whole thing.

May 9, 2015

#460

Only old people smell like old people, nothing else smells like that.

May 7, 2015

#458

If Captain America tells you he feels sick, don't get out of your car.

Apr 24, 2015

Apr 21, 2015

#442

"Take me to church,
 I'm a dog on a cross with a pig in my hand"

-Christian

Apr 20, 2015

Apr 19, 2015

#440

Remember when Daredevil went "Nyeeehhhhhh..."?  Well he can back it up too.

Apr 16, 2015

#437

That was embarrassing, apparently I don't know how numbers.

Apr 14, 2015

#435

Space things in space doing space stuff always look cool.

Apr 12, 2015

#433

Half of looking like a strong guy is just having tight sleeves.

Apr 10, 2015

Apr 9, 2015

#430

Ohhh... That's actually way more clever than I gave it credit for.

Apr 8, 2015

#429

You're telling me this whole time it was just hot sauce and butter?

Apr 7, 2015

Apr 5, 2015

#426

Wood is actually pretty good, I don't know why everyone assumes wood always sucks.

Apr 1, 2015

Mar 27, 2015

#417

The national sport of Russia is bad driving and dashboard cameras are the official sponsor.

Mar 25, 2015

#415

Don't advertise this as your poke range and then tell me to get in it.

Mar 24, 2015

#414

Noodles & Company is basically a guaranteed accidental curly.

Mar 22, 2015

#412

"Big enough you could kill someone with it" is totally a legitimate measurement of size.

Mar 21, 2015

#411

If you kiss someone while they fart, it's like you're playing the human trumpet.

Mar 19, 2015

#409

I'm not a music person so I don't understand half of them, but music terminology has the coolest words.

Mar 18, 2015

#408

I wish this room had better carpet so I'd want to lay on it.

Mar 11, 2015

Mar 10, 2015

#400

I think it's no secret that I am pretty strongly introverted.  Even with people I am close to and spend a lot of time with, sometimes I will just need some time to myself to recharge.  That being said, I cannot stress how important these people are.  This blog may well be a look into the workings of my brain, but all machines need something else to make it go.  On my own, I can go for days without a single thought worthy of putting up on here, but when I'm around people, it's not uncommon to for me to come up with at least three good thoughts in a single evening.  Without them, this blog would probably not be the way it is now, if it even existed at all.

Mar 5, 2015

Mar 4, 2015

#394

I honestly thought the term was "tie raid," like if you robbed a Men's Warehouse.  You can understand my confusion.

Mar 3, 2015

Mar 1, 2015

#391

You guys having fun?  Well guess what.  Poo poo on you.

Feb 28, 2015

#390

I kinda want that person to show up and be a jerk so I can have justification for being a jerk back.

Feb 27, 2015

Feb 25, 2015

Feb 23, 2015

#385

Smörgåstårta - Sandwich cake.
Why don't we have that here?

Feb 22, 2015

#384

If you're gonna push something, it has to be for SummerSlam.

Feb 21, 2015

#383

"Twinkle twinkle art is hard, I can't draw."
      - Jill

Feb 16, 2015

#378

I swear, it's not drugs, we just get this way on our own.

Feb 15, 2015

#377

Is there a correlation between being a lefty and being a leftist?

Feb 14, 2015

#376

If any day is it, today is the day where I'm allowed to be gross.

Feb 11, 2015

#373

I'm not better than you because I have money, I'm better than you because I have swords in my arms.

Feb 10, 2015

Feb 9, 2015

#371

What if we got rid of taxes and instead funded government and infrastructure with crowd funding, like Kickstarter or Indie Gogo?

Feb 8, 2015

Feb 5, 2015

Feb 2, 2015

#364

Depending who you ask, it can either be a groundhog or an old hag.  Either way, it's Imbolc.

Jan 31, 2015

#362

I like having my music library having random quips from Eddie Izzard thrown in.  It's like my iPod is interrupting itself because it remembered a funny story.

Jan 30, 2015

#361

What is up with hipsters in Volkswagens riding up my ass in a marked county vehicle?

Jan 28, 2015

#359

The hierarchy of insults is not a straight line.  It is a great tree with many branches.

Jan 23, 2015

#354

You have the right of way, keep moving.  God, you're so considerate, I hate you.

Jan 21, 2015

#352

Man, I know I said I don't miss people, but that was then.

Jan 20, 2015

#351

I really need to write these down as soon as I think of them.  I lose so many just by forgetting them.

Jan 14, 2015

#345

This is the coolest thing but it's also the absolute worst.

Jan 13, 2015

#344

Say you had a gallon of gasoline.  Would you get more heat from using it to fuel a generator that powers an electric heater or by just burning the gas itself?

Jan 12, 2015

#343

It's becoming more and more apparent that most people who try to design "cool" "new" "guns" for Call-of-Duty-esque games haven't the faintest idea how firearms work.

Jan 11, 2015

#342

Do you ever get hot enough that you start getting cold flashes?

Jan 10, 2015

#341

They did it.  They brought Bionicle back, and it doesn't even look terrible.  Actually well done, Lego.

Jan 9, 2015

Jan 7, 2015

#338

There is a huge difference between being "sexually explicit" and "containing a scene that barely qualifies as a sex scene."  Namely, whatever movie you think you saw and Iron Man 3.

Jan 6, 2015

#337

I'm sorry, I'm not sure we're talking about the same movie here.

Jan 5, 2015

#336

Science has proven that snow is definitively better than leaves.

Jan 4, 2015

#335

Boom,
Clap,
Eating a boat
Is harder than you think na na na na na.

Jan 3, 2015

#334

I feel kinda bad about it.  If you're reading this, Mike from Chick-fil-a, I apologize, I shouldn't have lied like that.

Jan 2, 2015

#333

Why did I order lunch in an english accent? I didn't even realize I was doing it until it was too late to stop.