Dec 30, 2016

Dec 26, 2016

Dec 25, 2016

#1056

Remember that time Mary had to use the Power Loader to fight King Herod in order to save baby Jesus after he impaled Balthazar, and the only way they could beat him was by blowing him out the airlock in the hangar floor?  And Joseph was recovering from getting acid blood to the face?  This was after they blew up the terraforming reactor in the middle of Bethlehem.

Dec 24, 2016

Dec 22, 2016

#1053

I feel like Christmas snuck up on me more than usual this year.

Dec 21, 2016

Dec 20, 2016

#1051

An official Tsugumi warning has been issued for the east coast.

Dec 19, 2016

Dec 17, 2016

#1048

Please do not touch your computer while After Effects proceeds to scream for the next 34 hours.

Dec 15, 2016

#1046

You can't call someone godless if, by default, they have more gods than you.

Dec 13, 2016

#1044

Once I actually started animating it, it went pretty quickly.

Dec 12, 2016

Dec 11, 2016

#1042

I'm really trying to come up with stuff I want for Christmas that isn't toys.

Dec 10, 2016

#1041

Oh yeah, I couldn't believe it when Kirito became hokage of the Straw Hat Sailor Scouts and used the  8th gate bankai to seal the digimon into those cards.

Dec 9, 2016

#1040

"F*** you, I hope you live a long, happy life, you s***!"
-Timsical Road Rage

Dec 8, 2016

Dec 6, 2016

#1037

Just let me buy the damn paper.  Take my money you idiot.

Dec 5, 2016

Dec 4, 2016

#1035

You don't understand.  I'm really scary.  Stop laughing.

Dec 3, 2016

#1034

This pizza scratched the crap out of the roof of my mouth.

Dec 1, 2016

#1032

I should probably start throwing away a lot of the crap in my room.

Nov 30, 2016

Nov 29, 2016

#1030

Gimme that White Russian now, you something something something....   Yeah.

Nov 28, 2016

Nov 27, 2016

Nov 24, 2016

Nov 22, 2016

Nov 21, 2016

#1022

I should really get back into writing my dreams down again.

Nov 20, 2016

Nov 19, 2016

#1020

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but I never noticed that Cap just carries a handkerchief around with him in Age of Ultron.

Nov 17, 2016

#1018

Do you ever have that feeling where you can't tell if you're hungry or just bored?

Nov 16, 2016

#1017

Raisins are just an excuse for farmers to sell you grapes that have gone off.

Nov 13, 2016

Nov 12, 2016

#1013

Goddamn it, Paul, I don't like you but your the only person talking about the stuff I like.

Nov 11, 2016

#1012

I just want the new wave of Nerf to come out so it can take my mind off of this mess.

Nov 9, 2016

#1010

Did anyone ever make fries with the ketchup on the inside?

Nov 8, 2016

#1009

I actually couldn't decide which TV show was less nauseating, more election coverage or people just gutting fish for their weird fish parts.

Nov 7, 2016

#1008

Dr. Strange
or
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Eye of Agamoto.

Nov 5, 2016

#1006

I don't use it very often, but when I need it, Splashtop remote desktop thingy has saved my ass.

Nov 3, 2016

Nov 2, 2016

#1003

It doesn't matter if you just stumbled into it, if you start talking about dinosaurs around me, I'm gonna bring the knowledge.

Oct 31, 2016

Oct 30, 2016

#1000

         I think one of the things that defines me more than most people realize is my faith.  If you weren't aware by this point, I am Wiccan.  The rest of my family, however, is Catholic.  I was raised Catholic and even went through Confirmation back in 2009.  It wasn't until I moved to college that I really became aware of Wiccan or Paganism as legitimate religions.  I had pretty much always been told that they were cults or people just playing pretend, so once I was able to learn about them myself, I saw a lot of things that really appealed to me and resonated with my reservations about being a Christian.  I officially converted to Wicca in 2012 but even up until the point of me writing this, I feel like my faith hasn't sat terribly well with my parents.  Not long after I informed them of my conversion, my dad made a point of telling me that I wasn't allowed to perform magick in the house (in Wicca, magick, spells, and rituals can be equated to prayer and sacraments in the Christian faith).
         While I've never been persecuted for being Wiccan, being told I can't practice my faith at home has been somewhat of a sticking point in my mind.  In one of my college classes, I had to write a short screenplay and the story I ended up telling dealt with people who practice a fictionalized form of magic effectively in the same situation, albeit far more oppressive and dire.  The core idea was still there, though.  In other creative media, I jump at opportunities to insert my beliefs into the work I create and I feel like this comes from a lack of ability to express my religion easily outside of that.
         Perhaps the greatest indicator that Wicca is the best fit for me is that I'm drawn to learn more and as I learn it, I can see it in the world.  I won't bother going into the specifics of what I personally believe, but it's the desire to know more and grow in my faith that I never really felt as a Christian that tells me this is the right place for me to be.  And it's still funny to remember that I might be the most religious of my friends.


P.S.  Just to be clear, I'm not mad or resentful of my parents.  They're great people and it is their house, but they can't stop me once I move out.

Oct 28, 2016

Oct 27, 2016

#997

So is the new guy a Jarknoid, Jarkroid, Jarkloid, or Jark Lloyd?  Because I've seen it written all of those ways.

Oct 26, 2016

#996

It seems like it's mostly songs about drinking and butts, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Oct 25, 2016

#995

If bright light can make you blind and loud noises can make you deaf, can you loose taste from too much flavor?

Oct 24, 2016

#994

The more I think about it, the more I think the word soup is kinda gross sounding.

Oct 19, 2016

#989

You know the Africa section of the Animal Kingdom in Disney World?  I want a gyro from there specifically.

Oct 18, 2016

#988

If I had more money, Kickstarter would be a dangerous place for me.

Oct 17, 2016

#987

Is necromancy really a negative for a presidential candidate?

Oct 16, 2016

#986

Timone and Pumba totally should have taught Simba how to shoot fireballs from his paws and called it the Hadouken Matata.

Oct 14, 2016

Oct 13, 2016

#983

I made a whole sandwich but I only really wanted the mayo.

Oct 12, 2016

#982

Can I please just get a couple decent images of walking guys in suits that aren't watermarked all to hell?

Oct 11, 2016

#981

You can't just point out anything you're not personally a fan of and say it's the devil.

Oct 9, 2016

#979

And Odysseus made up most of the stuff in the Odyssey.  Anyway, that concludes the Layman's Classical Mythology week.

Oct 8, 2016

#978

Remember that time that one lady wrote on an apple and left it at a party?  That's why the Trojan War happened.

Oct 7, 2016

#977

Remember that time some kid took his dad's car for a joyride and crashed it?  That's why some people have dark skin.

Oct 6, 2016

#976

Remember that time the guy in charge was hitting on that one girl so hard she turned into a tree, or a cow, or a rock?

Oct 5, 2016

#975

Remember that time that one mom gave her son a knife and told him to go hack off his dad's junk?  That's where flint comes from.

Oct 4, 2016

#974

Remember that time some lady couldn't keep her hands off this one dude's stuff and started looking through his boxes?  That's why anything bad in the world exists.

Oct 3, 2016

#973

Remember that time some guy who lives underground kidnapped and drugged that important lady's daughter?  That's why we have winter.

Oct 2, 2016

#972

Remember that time a seamstress made fun of the people in charge during a bet?  That's why we have spiders.

Oct 1, 2016

#971

This is not ok, exercise.  I'm being good, I come in regularly and you repay me with chafed nips?

Sep 29, 2016

#969

I want garlic bread more than you can possibly imagine right now

Sep 28, 2016

Sep 27, 2016

#967

Come on Jan, I sent you an invitation to my birthday, albeit for my own amusement, but the least you could do is respond to say you're not coming.

Sep 26, 2016

#966

And that's including the chainsaw that's also a Nerf gun.  So yeah.

Sep 24, 2016

Sep 22, 2016

#962

On the off chance that anyone from Adobe is reading this, Creative Cloud is a travesty and you don't deserve any more of my money, and you should feel bad for being a part of it.

Sep 21, 2016

#961

The whole plot of Wall-E could have been averted if people just smashed their trash into the tables at Chipotle.

Sep 20, 2016

Sep 19, 2016

Sep 15, 2016

#955

We still love you, desk, it doesn't matter if you're gay.

Sep 13, 2016

#953

If I could sign up for like, a subscription to ceviche and just have someone deliver it to me every day, that would be ideal.

Sep 12, 2016

#952

If the government was hiding aliens or Godzilla or whatever, they would be in the most secret places on earth, teacher's lounges.

Sep 9, 2016

Sep 3, 2016

Sep 2, 2016

#942

Spider-Man is just thunderening across all the territoritories.

Aug 30, 2016

#939

Can he swing from a thread? He's got radio just like flies.

Aug 28, 2016

Aug 27, 2016

Aug 25, 2016

#934

A stick only becomes a switch when you hit someone's butt with it.

Aug 24, 2016

Aug 22, 2016

#931

"I forgot today was Maryland day."
"Is it?"
"No..."

-Cheyenne

Aug 21, 2016

Aug 20, 2016

#929

I don't think it's unreasonable to say that I'm a better driver than most cops.

Aug 19, 2016

Aug 18, 2016

#927

I, I love you like a bloodsport, baby.
I, I love you like a bloodsport, baby.
I, I love you like a bloodsport, baby,
And I keep hitting re-bleed bleed bleed bleed bleed.

Aug 14, 2016

Aug 10, 2016

#919

Oh darn, we're all out of rectified spirits and tinctures of cudbean.

Aug 9, 2016

Aug 7, 2016

Aug 6, 2016

Aug 5, 2016

#914

Goddamn it, I forgot about the other cool stuff I have to buy.

Aug 4, 2016

Aug 3, 2016

Aug 2, 2016

#911

"Now that I'm in a safe place, I'm gonna eat all this steak."
-Ethan

Jul 31, 2016

#909

If I want compliments on my t shirts, I'll just go to Target and buy something.

Jul 30, 2016

#908

This mobility vehicle is actively inhibiting my mobility.

Jul 26, 2016

Jul 25, 2016

Jul 22, 2016

#900

The last time I went on about a game I really like, it was in reference to the emotional experience playing Shadow of the Colossus.  Recently, however, I've kept coming back to Bloodborne, a game that, to this day, I have never even touched but seen through completion.  In contrast the the emotion that Shadow evokes, Bloodborne dives into more intellectual territory.  I personally find the concepts such as beasts and men and the (sometimes blurry) line between them, and madness from knowledge particularly intriguing and they work quite well establishing the tone throughout the entire game within a gothic horror setting.  The visual design work in the game also reinforces this unsettling tone with many creatures of such grotesque design that the viewer can't help but take time to try and make sense of what they are seeing.

Jul 21, 2016

#899

Pokémon Go: a haiku

Look, a Pikachu.
There's lamp posts and traffic. KLONK!
Eyes up, idiot.

Jul 16, 2016

#894

Ba-boom! Yabba dabba doom! Whadda dumb stupid catch phrase, idiot.

Jul 13, 2016

#891

Chains, wires, and American Gothic: everything kids love.

Jul 12, 2016

#890

Fruit Snacks are sugar.  Sugar is energy.  Energy is life.  Fruit Snacks are life.

Jul 10, 2016

#888

Ereshkegel, the Mesopotamian goddess of pelvic floor exercises.

Jul 9, 2016

#887

What do you mean there's no inferno barge?  What is this, amateur hour?

Jul 7, 2016

#885

I'm starting to rationalize my own interpretation of a creation myth.

Jul 6, 2016

#884

I don't know if I'd ever use it, but I kinda want the Nerf Dash Button just to have it.

Jul 5, 2016

#883

Ducks are just the most horrible monsters that have ever walked the Earth.

Jul 4, 2016

#882

I think revisiting the Mars and Gypsies plan might be a good idea between now and November.

Jul 3, 2016

#881

Death Star lamp, but not like the proper actual Death Star.

Jul 2, 2016

#880

So you're telling me that this Jesus fellow straight up cursed a tree just because he got a little hangry?

Jul 1, 2016

#879

Without milk, Honey Bunches of Oats tastes like how an incense shop smells.

Jun 30, 2016

#878

I see getting dressed and ready for the day as load times for my life.

Jun 29, 2016

#877

I could eat a pot of chili right now like you wouldn't believe.

Jun 28, 2016

#876

Remember that time when Goofy was told his son's mild disruptive behavior in school would end up getting him executed?

Jun 24, 2016

#872

Dammit, Kontik Jovem, get your herds of attractive foreigners out of the street.

Jun 21, 2016

#869

Big Thunder Mountain is just as much a roller coaster as Cheez Whiz is cheese.

Jun 19, 2016

Jun 18, 2016

Jun 17, 2016

#865

I put myself at risk for the sake of taking stuff from my siblings.

Jun 16, 2016

Jun 14, 2016

#862

I have a largely irrational contempt for crossing guards.

Jun 11, 2016

#859

It's either a wizard river, a grimoire stone, or a hand author, or possibly all or none of them.

Jun 10, 2016

#858

Kamen Rider Wizard is simultaneously more and less than I expected and hoped.

Jun 7, 2016

#855

What part of "Shabadoobie touch to henshin" don't you understand?

Jun 5, 2016

#853

You know you messed up if you see me pointing at you from my car.

May 30, 2016

#847

Why is breakfast the only meal that doesn't change its name if you eat the wrong food?

May 26, 2016

#843

I don't like openly hating someone,but at the same time, I'm proud of how I handled it.

May 25, 2016

#842

Wet and dry seasons are already a thing, but sticky seasons sound really weird.

May 24, 2016

#841

I still need to set up the fake camera to show off what I did.

May 23, 2016

May 20, 2016

#837

You think sitting in the nosebleeds is bad, try sitting in the cranial hemorrhages.

May 19, 2016

#836

I feel like if I said I was the best at animation, that wouldn't be too far from the truth.

May 18, 2016

#835

Without looking it up, what would you guess a Saurophaganax is?  'Cuz it sounds metal as hell.

May 17, 2016

May 16, 2016

May 14, 2016

#831

This song begins and ends with bursts of fire from the machine gun of synthesized happiness.

May 9, 2016

#826

Great, now all I can think of is the Iron Man 3 Ben Kingsley Mandarin reciting "Spooky Scary Skeletons."

May 8, 2016

#825

If we were just a little dumber, we'd never need to sleep.

May 2, 2016

#819

After a lot of thinking, I have decided to willingly become 24.

Apr 29, 2016

Apr 27, 2016

#814

This secret art was perfected over many millennia, as evidenced by my sick beard.

Apr 25, 2016

#812

According to this fundamental Christian guy on the radio, the exchange rate for ephahs of grain is crazy good right now.

Apr 21, 2016

#808

We've now passed 9,000.  That's all I'm saying.  I never watched DBZ.

Apr 20, 2016

Apr 17, 2016

#804

I feel like calling a woman you aren't related to "sister" is 1,000 times weirder than calling a guy "brother."

Apr 15, 2016

#802

Look, if there were really pretty pagan hymns, I'd be all over them, but it looks like Jesus has that market pretty well covered.

Apr 13, 2016

#800

Since my last few hundred-posters were kinda serious, I've decided to take the time to tell you about something completely different.  One time while my cousin was visiting, she wanted to talk about the film Inglourious Basterds, however, the title itself was a bit of an issue as we didn't want to throw the word "bastard" around (regardless of its misspelling) while my little sisters were in earshot.  I began referring to the movie as simply "Inglourious B's."  While it did work as an effective censored shorthand, most simply found the mental image of a bunch of actual bees replacing the cast to be extremely funny.  Naturally, the joke evolved and we were left with a movie by Queenbee Tarantino about a band of bees going to kill Hornitler and his army of Waspzis, toting the catchphrase, "Send in the Bumble Jew."

Apr 12, 2016

Apr 11, 2016

#798

I should probably make some really sweet comment, but all I can think of is the random African Prime Minister guy from Metal Gear Rising going "Three years.  We've come so far in just three short years."

Apr 10, 2016

Apr 8, 2016

Apr 7, 2016

#794

Why do my favorite toys always also bring up car parts when I try to search for them online?

Apr 6, 2016

#793

Would Captain America even be allowed to play professional sports?

Apr 3, 2016

#790

I like the thing as a whole but I hate this part specifically.

Apr 2, 2016

#789

This song actually just starts with some guy going "Ah, you know, uhhhhhhh....."

Apr 1, 2016

#788

Made with pork, chicken and beef - BHA, BHT and citric acid added to help protect flavor.

Mar 30, 2016

Mar 29, 2016

Mar 27, 2016

#783

I got pre-confused over something I thought he was going to say but didn't.

Mar 26, 2016

#782

Sick burn from the Sun God, Ethan.  Ethan is a Sun God now.

Mar 25, 2016

#781

I gotta say, I don't exactly get the whole "furry" scene, but I'm just saying, I'm very ok with horns and/or antlers.

Mar 23, 2016

Mar 21, 2016

Mar 17, 2016

#773

Everyone knows Scarecrow from Batman, but no one ever talks about Frighten Raven...

Mar 15, 2016

#771

No, you're probably actually just folding time to see the future I guess.

Mar 14, 2016

Mar 13, 2016

#769

Remember that time Captain America had an argument with a piece of modern art over the phone?

Mar 11, 2016

#767

Hand sanitizer isn't really a good substitute for anything.

Mar 10, 2016

Mar 9, 2016

Mar 7, 2016

#763

Driving at night while it's snowing looks like jumping to light speed.

Mar 6, 2016

#762

Warm air blowing on my face makes me feel like I'm dying.

Mar 5, 2016

#761

NPR people get me super negative excited about giving them money.

Mar 4, 2016

#760

What's that? You say it snowed last night? Surely not, no.

Mar 3, 2016

#759

When you drink, it's like you're looking at you're own vision on a screen

Mar 2, 2016

#758

So basically M. Night Shyamalan is Bishop if Bishop was bad at his job.

Feb 29, 2016

#756

I mean, if you're going to be a backwards hctib about it...

Feb 28, 2016

Feb 27, 2016

#754

An object's shadow is just the object minus one dimension.

Feb 26, 2016

#753

It's like they're expecting people to be outraged about things that people don't get outraged about.

Feb 25, 2016

Feb 24, 2016

#751

Identifying unmarked police cars is probably one of the most useful real-world abilities I have.

Feb 23, 2016

Feb 22, 2016

Feb 20, 2016

#747

You never actually see anything, you just look at stuff and guess.

Feb 17, 2016

Feb 15, 2016

#742

Sous-chef Batman figures would sell like hotcakes made by Batman.

Feb 12, 2016

#739

After taking that class, I get so many more of the references here.

Feb 11, 2016

#738

I don't recall "nude" color palettes including bright metallic blue and green.

Feb 10, 2016

#737

If this thought were a plane, it could only reach places within the continental United States, maybe Canada and Mexico a little bit too.

Feb 8, 2016

Feb 7, 2016

Feb 6, 2016

#733

Remember that time when practically every band from the 90s had a song titled "California"?

Feb 5, 2016

#732

Himney Pamches of Amps are pretty good, but I way prefer Shaman Durst Gramps.

Feb 4, 2016

#731

Holy crap, it's been two years.  I was thinking about doing a Twitter thing, but it doesn't do what I need, so we're all stuck here.

Feb 3, 2016

#730

You mean this Japanese toy manufacturer makes Neon Genesis Evangelion figures?  I'm soooooo surprised.

Jan 31, 2016

#727

7,500 is a bigger number than I would have thought, honestly.

Jan 29, 2016

#725

You would probably make a terrible Ultraman.  You're about 95 feet too short for starters.

Jan 28, 2016

Jan 25, 2016

Jan 22, 2016

Jan 21, 2016

Jan 20, 2016

Jan 17, 2016

Jan 16, 2016

#712

Why don't people understand that zooming in on a phone camera actually doesn't help at all?

Jan 15, 2016

Jan 14, 2016

#710

Yeah, a lot of art sucks, but you don't have to be a Hitler about it.

Jan 13, 2016

Jan 12, 2016

#708

Fiddler on the Roof is a lame title, they should have called it Laser Wolf and the Russians.

Jan 11, 2016

Jan 10, 2016

#706

I don't care for art museums typically.  I care even less so when someone tells me I have to go to one.

Jan 9, 2016

Jan 8, 2016

Jan 7, 2016

#703

A lot of my life goals seem to involve traveling on specific vehicles.

Jan 6, 2016

Jan 4, 2016

#700

Being an adult is mostly pretty ok.  I like making money and being able to decide things for myself, but whenever I actually sit and think about being an adult, I tend to get kind of depressed.  Not necessarily for the crappy parts of being an adult like taxes, but because of things that were the norm going away.  For example, as an adult, I will never have a summer or winter break again unless I go into teaching which isn't terribly likely.  Once I finish school, the whole year becomes work.  Even now, my "breaks" are filled with extra classes and more work hours.  Even the nice parts like having money steadily turn into lists of expenses and realizing I actually have much less than I think.  It sounds kind of funny, but while being an adult comes with its perks, on some level I dread the idea of "growing up."

Jan 3, 2016

#699

The correlation of scariness to clothes worn is a direct relation.