May 30, 2017

#1212

The thing about submarines is they're just boats with a roof.

May 29, 2017

May 27, 2017

#1209

Shredded cheese always tastes best eating right out of the bag.

May 26, 2017

#1208

It's better for the dart to shoot you in the ass than it is to get stepped on by your foot ass, which is called the heel.

May 25, 2017

#1207

No one who ever won the Medal of Honor has ever been dehydrated.

May 22, 2017

#1204

Remember that time Voldemort shot Mad-Eye Moody in the neck cuz he was trying to kill Grindelwald?

May 16, 2017

May 15, 2017

#1197

It's like running a marathon but the last mile crosses international boundaries and I have to go through customs.

May 13, 2017

May 10, 2017

May 9, 2017

#1191

And as a follow up, grown ups go to bed early cuz they accept that being awake in a house at night is freaky.

May 7, 2017

#1189

I'm having a hard time dealing with how huge this thing is.

May 6, 2017

#1188

There isn't really even a difference between destructed and deconstructed.

May 5, 2017

#1187

I'm pretty sure that ad was trying to make pasta seem menacing.

May 4, 2017

#1186

"Why does everything turn into eating boats with you?"
-Ethan