#1427

It’s a meteorological anonomy.

#1426

Are lunch pants just, like, a sensible sandwich and some soup?

#1425

It’s a really big group of spondylus.

#1424

Tesquito Max loves some chupalupas.

#1423

Go rinse off, Khrushchev.

#1422

I remember you, you Art Garfunkel lookalike little bastard.

#1421

And a Merry Dino-Shack to you.

#1420

You're telling me that C-3PO did a number on a jizz-box in the Wookie's Codpiece?

#1419

He's not a ghost, its just a forcetral projection.

#1418

I put a spectrum of gay ice cream on my d**k.

#1417

It's a perfectly logical step from Moira McTaggert to Hermes' wife from Futurama.

#1416

I always wait first, ask questions later.

#1415

It's not one of those things I heard I say.

#1414

Turns out it's not just Chloe, all middle schoolers are goblins.

#1413

Xylophagous.

#1412

Just freeze it and shoot it into the Sun, it's good as new.

#1411

Did you know Glen's head is made of Superman?

#1410

Is that an awl?!  Lemme see that awl.

#1409

I have no idea why a Florida-based Amazon/eBay seller +1ed my post about head-butting and punching on Google+, but ok.

#1408

Gods be praised, Jan is back at it, giving what for to those demons.

#1407

I'm not up to date on the current exchange rate from paperclips to grapes.

#1406

I call dibs on the name Baron Dipity.

#1405

You can write your name in fish.

#1404

Superman just has a really persistent half-chub.

#1403

I would totally watch a movie where the villain is just Skrillex.

#1402

Cyborg isn't great, but can we please get a Banksy 2099 movie?

#1401

You're a tall-ass Crisco ferret.

#1400

Why do blue lights come into focus closer than they are?

#1399

I thought you were gonna headbutt me so I wanted to punch you just in case.

#1398

Check out these damp uggs.

#1397

I was minding my own business in this healthcare metaphor when suddenly I was struck by a renegade bulldozer.

#1396

Pepe is the most blown.

#1395

You can bounce a 2x4 off that ass.

#1394

It's not a straw, you dumb commie.

#1393

What do you mean we didn't have a word for brown dwarves?

#1392

An AR-15 is worth 15 guns.  It's like horsepower.

#1391

Can you point me in the direction of some dank grommets?

#1390

Can I speak to the head of dank guac?

#1389

You mean, like, party butt-stank with like, a hint of parmesan?

#1388

Hey!  You Ultraman Belial!?

#1387

Guest reviews by Nathan Olsen.

#1386

Really?  On the rocks?

#1385

This is the music I want playing in the event that I have to fight you shirtless on the parapet of a nuclear submarine.

#1384

We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, but in the mean time, I’m gonna stress about the potential design of the theoretical bridge.

#1383

Maybe I want my car to feel the gravel, Ethan.

#1382

Ohhhhh, soap is life.

#1381

It’s west Nebraska and spirits.

#1380

How many fingerprints do you need?

#1379

Shuriken Turrets, what a wonderful phrase.

#1378

It's like My Dinner with Andre but more racist.

#1377

Luna lucent non ipsum vivde autem nox illuminat.  I think...

#1376

Everyone remembers the esteemed Pharaoh Kitty Kisser.

#1375

It's not cat poop, it's just peanut M&Ms.

#1374

Paticuraly.

#1373

Tony Stark: genius, billionaire, playboy, sahelanthropus.

#1372

Italy is to Mexico as France is to Sokovia.

#1371

Did you know everyone's greatest fears manifest themselves as suck waves?

#1370

I think the Flash's nemesis should be "The Backpeddler" who is the fastest man alive going backwards and makes inflammatory remarks but then tries to make himself seem reasonable.

#1369

I find your lack of IGPX merch disturbing.

#1368

Erik is totally the male equivalent of the Ashley theory.

#1367

My Nerf guns shoot faster than light.

#1366

I think we all remember Starfleet Lieutenant Hugo Deuce.

#1365

You can't consume these deer in fire at Costco, you gotta go to, like, Giant for that.

#1364

Milo likes a butt cup.

#1363

Turns out Baron Mordo paralyzed that guy for his lunch money.

#1362

Wolverine just looks really upset that someone started playing the Chicken Dance.

#1361

Jill is not a good lemon.

#1360

This is such an accuration picture.

#1359

"I'm the clear ride.
I'm the comeback kid."

from The Comeback Kid
by The Midnight

#1358

"It's stranger than potion 

Yet sometimes InMotion almost makes you feel alive."

from Jason (feat. Nikki Flores)
by The Midnight

#1357

"Shy kidney's always blue."

from The Years (Prologue)

by The Midnight

#1356

I really enjoy The Midnight's music, but in every single song, they have one line that is on The Shins' level of unintelligibility.

#1355

This kid looks like they de-aged, but then slightly inflated the youngest brother from Malcolm in the Middle.

#1354

Because color theory.

#1353

Don't worry, it's not grease stains, it's just nicotine residue.

#1352

Why do they make house paint smell like egg nog?

#1351

Finnish Tim is a lot like American Tim, but is just completely hammered all the time.

#1350

Blub blub.

#1349

He's got muddy butter
Down in Pensacola.
Got to get the toga master
In the meta laser.
The patent office has your treat,

If your name is Jesus then it cannot be Pete.

Come together,
Right now,
Over me.
Buh buh buuuuuuh.

#1348

Restaurants are just short term stores.

#1347

I don't know, I just know green chicks.

#1346

I can't get over how many really great lines have come from the Pacific Rim franchise.

#1345

I'm more of a Cobaltflank fan.

#1344

South Dakota has diddly nothing.

#1343

It turns out gravity is just 12.

#1342

"Red nipple" alone doesn't quite meet the criteria for Timsicality.

#1341

I told you I wasn't gonna let it go.

#1340

Pacific Rim: Uprising ends with all the nations of the PPDC having a surplus of giant robots with nothing to fight so they just start racing them and eventually start the IGPX.

#1339

I can call you Betty,

And Betty, when you call me

You can call me Ziggy Stardust.

#1338

But how does Nightwish fit into all this?

#1337

 Turns out its a regularly held court of record by lords of manors and you're just being foolish.

#1336

You're telling me this is made with chicken water AND stonium?

#1335

I'm eating those things as soon as they become not burning me.

#1334

I feel the need, the need for ウルトラマンジード. (Ultraman Geed)

#1333

Genetic twisty ties.

#1332

Shoot big now.

#1331

"Ohoho, boyo!"

-Tim the Irish Hitman

#1330

You know what they say, if you can't be your dreams, buy it from a store.

#1329

Blood is a lot like silly string when you think about it.

#1328

Jimmy the turtle can't handle the fart sword.

#1327

They're open 7 hours a day, 11 days a week.

#1326

It's not going to bake the brank.

#1325

"Why would you rate a bathroom out of ten?"

-Jess

#1324

Never do a Hannibal Lecter impression with a mouthful of falafel.

#1323

Parents are just that limble.

#1322

Is there a "both" but for three things?

#1321

Cartilaginous.

#1320

It's not that I mind having body hair, I just wish it was symmetrical.

#1319

And we won't fade into dog nets.

#1318

This place is crawling with 5-lined skanks.

#1317

Huius huius huius.

#1316

I'm gonna squeeze your head off.

#1315

Kohl's entire business model is just extortion.

#1314

How many turns are there are in this town?

#1313

"Da Vinci is hot s***."
-Buddha

#1312

Can "Mattelbows" be a thing?

#1311

Gape.

#1310

We playing Minstrel Cleft?

#1309

I'm thirsty for that axe.

#1308

That's why they call him old ATM-ass McEthan.

#1307

Ohhh shiny leg! Shiny leg!

#1306

No, Hitler was in Germany.  Look at these hot knobs.

#1305

Croquaine.

#1304

Like a precious kitty.

#1303

When does rain count as a storm?

#1302

That's just old D-face Paint McChristian.

#1301

It's not so much a town as it is a cluster of nerves.

#1300

Really, the word should be "tetropter."

#1299

Quadcopter doesn't mean anything.

#1298

That's my favorite: tepid and sticky.

#1297

Caution: face burns before hands.

#1296

Petroleum, very coffin.

#1295

Ous!

#1294

Ethan needs his Man-Thing.

#1293

A hot dog to pierce the heavens.

#1292

You know it's funny if it looks like I'm about to crap.

#1291

Is that Kenneth Kieth in the Angus Zone?

#1290

Oh whoa, salad. *dab*

#1289

Could I interest you in some pink river tuna?

#1288

You can't meetch.

#1287

Rebellions are built on prison sandwiches.

#1286

I'm gonna call you the Over-Knocker.

#1285

My nipples ache when I see you.

#1284

Why are we moshing over bagel-dogs?

#1283

I call my blender my tooth-bae.

#1282

Building smoke is at least non-habit forming.

#1281

I have to imagine someone has been described as "like licking a car door."

#1280

He's got Donald Rumsfeld articulation.

#1279

If Martian Manhunter was in Halo, would he be Spartan Martin Spartan?

#1278

You left the van out here.  That's not a van.

#1277

You're budget budget Obi-wan.

#1276

Fireworks filled with crotches.

#1275

I want "fruit on the bottom" to be slang if it isn't already.

#1274

It's just a fact that Ford trucks have the worst turning indicator levers ever.  Fight me.

#1273

Get turnt about the fleek in the woke.

#1272

The nose is the taint of the face.

#1271

I believe the sport is what for the clapping is being done.

#1270

How many people can write books?

#1269

It's not a party until CERN starts summoning demons.

#1268

Agigongnyong Dooly.

#1267

Did you know Kanye West is bohrok?

#1266

Shousn't we?

#1265

Grotto Pizza: even good when sober.

#1264

Pro tip: don't hang out with krill.

#1263

You can get a She-Ra off my private detective.

#1262

Going to see 673453.

#1261

Fudginia

#1260

Mr. Noodle gets a pass, this Sesame Street reject, however....

#1259

The scientific term is rectocephaly.

#1258

More like hil-stupid.

#1257

Newton's third law was overturned by the Supreme Court.

#1256

That's a real Jason move.

#1255

Jesus is bluetooth controlled.

#1254

The Russians are launching KFC's zinger into orbit.

#1253

Full of pith and vinegar.

#1252

Gwyneth Paltrow's premium nut.

#1251

You son of a piss.

#1250

I might have considered nazi Scarlett Johansson.

#1249

I am infantile on Saturn.

#1248

Moon Knight and the Chunky Bunch.

#1247

We're at fafftuble.

#1246

It really bugs me how much this guy looks like Andy Samberg.

#1245

I'm not gonna shut up about IGPX.

#1244

I'm pretty sure Grease 2 is just the prologue to IGPX.

#1243

That's doodoo pow pow moodo.

#1242

It takes talent to be both budget Val Kilmer and budget John Hurt.

#1241

Is Richie Rich a shark?

#1240

All babies are basically Matt Murdock.

#1239

Bill Clinton: confirmed draugr.

#1238

Sunflower seeds are just subpar tiny peanuts.

#1237

Summon the lads.

#1236

If rainbows come from water in the air, why aren't clouds rainbows?

#1235

How do all dumpsters end up smelling the same regardless of contents?

#1234

I just try to not touch plants

#1233

Hawaiian Punch that is any color other than red is incorrect.

#1232

I should draw more.

#1231

In the future, everyone will have flying cars, not for the convenience of air travel on demand, but to prevent roadside morlock attacks.

#1230

Can you bend light with magnets?

#1229

Epvot is now a thing.

#1228

It's a little known fact that I'm powered by a weed whacker.

#1227

I am Time.

#1226

I feel like that should make me an honorary citizen of Norway.

#1225

Hype-man-esque.

#1224

And I always keep a parking warning slip in my pocket in case any of you was ponderin'.

#1223

This hairstyle can only be described as a mohawllet.

#1222

If you had more eyes, you would have less perspective.

#1221

I hope your thyroid is in good shape cuz I'm just gonna leeeeean on it.

#1220

This is the scenic route to Kevin Bacon.

#1219

Boba Fett is the best kind of pizza.

#1218

It's like if a terrorist group called themselves the Virgin Mary.

#1217

Would anyone mind terribly if we stopped calling them Isis?

#1216

Spider-Man doesn't like a pounding.

#1215

Why is my skin not on?

#1214

Stop, someone, messing up my ups.

#1213

Squirrels don't get names.

#1212

The thing about submarines is they're just boats with a roof.

#1211

You can pull anything if your pulley is rad enough.

#1210

I'm very aware of my fists.

#1209

Shredded cheese always tastes best eating right out of the bag.

#1208

It's better for the dart to shoot you in the ass than it is to get stepped on by your foot ass, which is called the heel.

#1207

No one who ever won the Medal of Honor has ever been dehydrated.

#1206

How many fluid ounces of RAM does it have?

#1205

Humans is relatively thick.

#1204

Remember that time Voldemort shot Mad-Eye Moody in the neck cuz he was trying to kill Grindelwald?

#1203

Hey, wheels are important.

#1202

No one knows how to pronounce "Janus."

#1201

Only in milk is a whole less than a half.

#1200

I like to squish fake grapes.

#1199

Annap-holes.

#1198

If I'm not done by now, assume I've been killed by Adobe.

#1197

It's like running a marathon but the last mile crosses international boundaries and I have to go through customs.

#1196

Everyone in Disney world is lying to you.

#1195

Hnnnnnnngggggggrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhheverything's fine.

#1194

Abalone, the best kind of bologna.

#1193

My pillows are too noisy.

#1192

That's the pot calling calling the kettle racist.

#1191

And as a follow up, grown ups go to bed early cuz they accept that being awake in a house at night is freaky.

#1190

I suspect grown ups might be people too.

#1189

I'm having a hard time dealing with how huge this thing is.

#1188

There isn't really even a difference between destructed and deconstructed.

#1187

I'm pretty sure that ad was trying to make pasta seem menacing.

#1186

"Why does everything turn into eating boats with you?"
-Ethan

#1185

I've never been this excited about a pencil.

#1184

A quarter of a century.

#1183

Only in Egypt is "crystal d**k" a compliment.

#1182

I think election campaigns should have at least one debate with zero fact checking where either side can say anything at all about the other and their opponent isn't allowed to dispute or deny anything.  All responses must start "Yes, and..."

#1181

By the way, the Blaster in Question is now live.

#1180

I always flush.

#1179

You know who I am.  You don't know where I am, and you'll never see me stopping.

#1178

Dirthawks are a lot like landhawks, but completely different.

#1177

It's like little needles of refreshment.

#1176

You know a dream is REALLY weird when it involves Ethan saying Alien Covenant was ok.

#1175

Where do you buy riot shields, even?

#1174

Like a magic.

#1173

I see you too are a fan of the fimbriated Saltires.

#1172

The Danish.  They sound Norwegian.  They look Norwegian, but they're actually... an American invention.

#1171

The 101st Boomco legion: Men of impossible proportions and illogical poses.

#1170

Infinite balls.

#1169

I'm not a fan of the recent trend of big trucks swerving all over the road to avoid driving over manholes.

#1168

I'm calling you out, Elkridge Post Office.  You're actually the worst.

#1167

Representing the Gorillatarian Party.

#1166

It's Jimmy Carter's fault we spent an hour in a Walmart.

#1165

Mm-mmm, paper is smell-proof.

#1164

It's like an orchard but for trees.

#1163

I can always count on you, stagnant water.

#1162

Equally, if not just as important.

#1161

#notmyoctopope

#1160

It's like the price of milk.

#1159

Just throw it at them and run away.

#1158

It's a similar idea, except it's a piñata.

#1157

I don't think its weird to sing about Oliver Cromwell in public transit.

#1156

Chins are pretty damn useless.

#1155

Sure it's a lot of pink, but it's mad stylish so I'm ok with it.

#1154

It seems like no one appreciates the atlatl anymore.

#1153

I am very much a fan of games and other media stuff where darkness is not automatically bad and light isn't automatically good.

#1152

Maximum balls.

#1151

Do flies read the newspaper as you swing it at them?

#1150

Is mayo an acceptable topping for a hot dog?

#1149

Clearly, it's a wyvern, not a true dragon, you nerd.

#1148

Mo' cabbage mo' problems.

#1147

Michele Bachmann thinks "apex" is a plural noun.

#1146

The real question is why isn't she called Sailor Earth?

#1145

Any Transformers movie can be summarized as "THERE'S ROBOTS OUT THERE.  DID YOU GUYS HEAR THERE'S ROBOTS?? But where'd they go, though?"

#1144

I'm simultaneously remembering why I played Skyrim and why I stopped.

#1143

You're telling me this whole hour-long show is entirely about home loans and mortgages?  And there's call-in guests?

#1142

Welcome to Timothial Ponderings.

#1141

Whatever it is, it's still probably just Baphomet.  Anything at all.

#1140

Social balls.

#1139

I'm pretty sure a combination of Space Jam and A Goofy Movie are responsible for my taste in music.

#1138

I love blueberry muffins with a passion that burns with the fire of maybe a dozen or so suns.

#1137

The evening has devolved into a series of Columbo impressions.

#1136

When the bar is lying on the floor, just make sure you don't stub your toe.

#1135

I d'do d'declare.

#1134

It's like a Metal Gear, but it's Godzilla with just a splash of Evangelion.  I want one.

#1133

You've done Mr. Bizkit a great disservice.

#1132

Problematicnessocitizedly.

#1131

I dislike rigging so much, I decided to do laundry instead.

#1130

I've been pronouncing "replenish" with a T for my entire life and it's kind of blowing my mind knowing that that's wrong.

#1129

Skullmblr.

#1128

Fruity Cheerios are like the parenthetical form of Froot Loops.

#1127

I hate how similar the words oral and aural are. That's like if the chin was renamed the nohz.

#1126

A Spanish radio station made me super hungry. I don't even know what they were saying.

#1125

Jason is getting a really raw deal, and it's because we say so.

#1124

Wouldn't it be a hell of a twist if, in Alien Covenant, the alien shows up like "SCREEEEEEEActually I just wanted to know if you guys had any available job openings.  Here's my résumé.  I just graduated from Jim's torso with a degree in Applied Two-Mouthedness."

#1123

I think I'm trying to like coleslaw but it isn't happening.

#1122

We're jumping just short of conclusions.

#1121

The best way to be wrong is demonstrably.

#1120

Farts should really be taken as compliments, cuz basically you're just clapping.

#1119

Meatballs gave me a scratchy voice.

#1118

Massive spikes, over 1,000.

#1117

If your foot was a person, your heel would be the butt.

#1116

Why is the guy wincing about chewing the other guy who's smoking while getting shot in the face?

#1115

Pomegranate La Croix?!?

#1114

The son of Batman is really embarrassed about his bird knees.

#1113

I should really get these framed soon.

#1112

I could really go for some new Bionicles right now.

#1111

I think I should be freaking out over Nerf right now.

#1110

Good thing I finished my robot in time for the nerd party.

#1109

The ball is just sitting on the floor at this point.

#1108

I can't believe how much I hate my own phone.

#1107

Olive Garden has reached UMBC levels of parking chaos.

#1106

Give me back my game.

#1105

Farts have mass.

#1104

Mattel sure has a lot of mottos.

#1103

Noses are what make things cute

#1102

Totally forgot that this last Saturday was the 3rd Timsiversary of the blog, whoops, well it was.

#1101

Things with wheels are meant for people.

#1100

Yes, I would like to exchange the next 4 months of my life for a video of robots fighting.  That's correct.

#1099

Maybe air divided by conditioning?

#1098

Why does the abbreviation for air conditioning have a slash through it?  It's not air or conditioning.

#1097

Just do it like a zipper and we can all go home, people.

#1096

Bring me a pile of gloves.

It's that pile of gloves I've been thinking of.

#1095

Don't slap the ass of the guy in shades, oh no.

#1094

Pazuzu's petals!

#1093

I'm less bothered about not getting enough sleep than I am by the fact that I'm craving a tomato.

#1092

She's maxed out.

#1091

Zengo!

#1090

Everything is cattywampus from everything else.

#1089

Hot cocoa does not work like chocolate milk.

#1088

I think going with robots is a safe bet.

#1087

I'm only now taking advantage of the Nerf Perks system.

#1086

It has a decidedly "keep handy for close encounters" kinda vibe.

#1085

Dory has short term memory loss because she drinks so much.

#1084

I spent a good 5 minutes trying to figure out how to spell didgeridoo.

#1083

I only shoot goblins and Chloe is a goblin.

#1082

Well, it happened.

#1081

If you think about it, whales swim by twerking, just slowly.

#1080

The Sprint guy looks like the liberal version of my coworker.

#1079

The gravity goes the wrong way.

#1078

Are trees immortal?

#1077

Suddenly aware of how distractible I am.

#1076

I'm all in favor of being paid by science.

#1075

I feel like Christianity would be way more exciting as a religion if the Last Supper was actually a nice meal instead of just bread and wine.

#1074

Joke's on you, vultures are cool.

#1073

I think you can assume people imply a lot of things.

#1072

I was trying to be food Beyonce.

#1071

If you like it, then you should have put a bun on it.

#1070

The moral of Tinkerbell is that if you're a b-hole, you die.

#1069

Any sensible person would choose to be a sweater ninja with a collar that tall.

#1068

Blast Hawekeye's balls.

#1067

It's like taking 5 shots while eating bread.

#1066

Let's not be Hastings. (History joke)

#1065

Can I get a court order?

#1064

Mistook that baby for a super soaker.

#1063

You will be henceforth known as Drenée.