Sep 29, 2016

#969

I want garlic bread more than you can possibly imagine right now

Sep 28, 2016

Sep 27, 2016

#967

Come on Jan, I sent you an invitation to my birthday, albeit for my own amusement, but the least you could do is respond to say you're not coming.

Sep 26, 2016

#966

And that's including the chainsaw that's also a Nerf gun.  So yeah.

Sep 24, 2016

Sep 22, 2016

#962

On the off chance that anyone from Adobe is reading this, Creative Cloud is a travesty and you don't deserve any more of my money, and you should feel bad for being a part of it.

Sep 21, 2016

#961

The whole plot of Wall-E could have been averted if people just smashed their trash into the tables at Chipotle.

Sep 20, 2016

Sep 19, 2016

Sep 15, 2016

#955

We still love you, desk, it doesn't matter if you're gay.

Sep 13, 2016

#953

If I could sign up for like, a subscription to ceviche and just have someone deliver it to me every day, that would be ideal.

Sep 12, 2016

#952

If the government was hiding aliens or Godzilla or whatever, they would be in the most secret places on earth, teacher's lounges.

Sep 9, 2016

Sep 3, 2016

Sep 2, 2016

#942

Spider-Man is just thunderening across all the territoritories.