#1213

Squirrels don't get names.

#1212

The thing about submarines is they're just boats with a roof.

#1211

You can pull anything if your pulley is rad enough.

#1210

I'm very aware of my fists.

#1209

Shredded cheese always tastes best eating right out of the bag.

#1208

It's better for the dart to shoot you in the ass than it is to get stepped on by your foot ass, which is called the heel.

#1207

No one who ever won the Medal of Honor has ever been dehydrated.

#1206

How many fluid ounces of RAM does it have?

#1205

Humans is relatively thick.

#1204

Remember that time Voldemort shot Mad-Eye Moody in the neck cuz he was trying to kill Grindelwald?

#1203

Hey, wheels are important.

#1202

No one knows how to pronounce "Janus."

#1201

Only in milk is a whole less than a half.

#1200

I like to squish fake grapes.

#1199

Annap-holes.

#1198

If I'm not done by now, assume I've been killed by Adobe.

#1197

It's like running a marathon but the last mile crosses international boundaries and I have to go through customs.

#1196

Everyone in Disney world is lying to you.

#1195

Hnnnnnnngggggggrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhheverything's fine.

#1194

Abalone, the best kind of bologna.

#1193

My pillows are too noisy.

#1192

That's the pot calling calling the kettle racist.

#1191

And as a follow up, grown ups go to bed early cuz they accept that being awake in a house at night is freaky.

#1190

I suspect grown ups might be people too.

#1189

I'm having a hard time dealing with how huge this thing is.

#1188

There isn't really even a difference between destructed and deconstructed.

#1187

I'm pretty sure that ad was trying to make pasta seem menacing.

#1186

"Why does everything turn into eating boats with you?"
-Ethan

#1185

I've never been this excited about a pencil.

#1184

A quarter of a century.

#1183

Only in Egypt is "crystal d**k" a compliment.